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Wednesday, October 29, 2003 So Damn tired.... sick, both mentally n physically..... the cold is relli getting to me liao headache..... argh.... Never quite tok to her today.... as usual never been able to act natural in front of her.... have been too fake have been too unreal just be myself and hope for the best perhaps it is up to fate whether it is possible...... Chose not to believe that and believe tt by working for it perhaps there would be a nicer ending , one that i want the one that i desire... Go for What u want Dun hesitate and regret it in the future Monday, October 27, 2003 Well 4 Promo Papers out liao all kinds of looks in the auditorium Jt went to toilet to cry pk go comfort her.... y she cried? din get an A for econ, or at least din get the grade she want.... diff pple diff expectation..... like pple getting lower marks din complain abt their marks... ___________________________________________________________ Mabbe i am not consideration enuf din even noe cy went off to dental appointment muz go find out more abt her next time... haha... but not bad after tt got chance to sms her... haha ... it is getting late liao lor feeling tired liao gonna go for a gd slp n wake up tml refreshed Sunday, October 26, 2003 tot it will be so nice to go out play soccer with the horny kids took a bus down, wearing a pants with no pockets knew i may be blur n leave my wallet n phone on the bus.... but still left asleep... woke up reach sch saw ivan din check for wallet. went straight to street court and found out that i relli left my wallet on the bus F up luckly phone still with me i rush n borrow 10 bucks from stonez took a cab to clementi interchange to find out tt 74 actaully ends at bouna vista interchange chee bye relli bad luck no choice take 156 back to bukit timah rd then take 74 to interchange finally got it back heng sia................ yet another sunday spend away doing nothing in front of com shld go do some pw but veri sianned leh though not thinking of her every now n then but decided to sms her happy to see her reply happy not to be ignored happy to be taken notice of happy to be close y does it happen tt even when we are so close, the gap is so huge.. while yet we are able to communicate thru sms well dunno.... since tt the case gonna follow it it may be virtual we may be far apart yet this may be the closest we can get to dunno care gonna go out play soccer soon hope to see her soon..... the lonely weekend to end soon the nightmare of tml coming too Luv... It is sad to luv n not to be luv back but isnit worse not to know tt someone luv u tt much... guess it is for pple outside to find out n for pple involved to noe every relationship is special..... Hope u get urs soon... Kind of juz started my new blog hope it gonna be as private as possible although wun mind if pple who are not 38 to look into it lah Saturday, October 25, 2003 NUMB by linkin park I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless lost under the surface Don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) Every step I take is another mistake to you >(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I've becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you Can't you see that you're smothering me Holding too tightly afraid to lose control Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you (Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I've becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you And I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me with someone disappointed in you I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I've becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you I've become so numb I can't feel you there Is everything what you want me to be I've become so numb I can't feel you there Is everything what you want me to be ___________________________________________________________________________________ Does it apply to me??? dunno..... but as the days gone by cant help realising tt the gap btw us have been pulling further n further away rem the times where we were tutoring the sec sch childrens. the four of us, together in the small small rm helping out the students in maths the laughters the smiles, the times tt we spent together. there was no barrier to communication it was a free for all to talk perhaps tt was the time when we were the closest to each other Now feel so uncomfortable to be together with her even when sitting beside her when the gap is juz inches and mabbe cm away there is a feeling tt there is thick thick wall btw us.... a wall tt i dun have the strength to get past the strength to overcome the courage to challenge or the determination to scale it gonna this be the end hope not................ for all readers out there cherish wat u have be4 u lose it once again today went to sch to get the grades got a C for maths and a D for physics so lan cannot stand it any hope of s paper evaporated until receiving the papers Damn dissappointed with myself at least can find 5-8 markd tt i can get one in the end all careless mistakes damn f up dunno wat i doing on tt day lah muz be not concentrating enuf..... kaoz cannot stand myself Another damn sianned day Stay home all day sitting in front of the com rotting away hoping ot see pple online pple who i wanna see but know tt she wun be arnd but the hope is always that i may be abt to spot her arnd somewhere onlline the dream always go on even knowing that things may not go my way and she mabe starting to take a likening to someone but it juz isnit me........ sobsob the feeling is there that once action is taken i may regret it although it may turn for the better but juz cannot perceived it going tt way wat if i m rejected or wat if i may be jammed there like an idiot the feeling tt i may lose wat i have now or isit wat i dun have now juz dunno............. shld i be contented of having her in my heart , to peep at her or everynow n then or earch out a betta path ? Mabbe it may be turning out to be too tiring n too much for me Hope this blog be private as much as possible although dun mind pple to see but beta tt the pple not 38 |
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